make up

Sometimes when I'm feeling bad about myself, I take extra time getting ready. Put on eye shadow and my new eye liner and mascara. I straighten my hair and put on one of my favorite tops. In theory this was a good practice. It meant that when I was down and upset, I could easily make myself feel just a little better about myself. But the problem is, now if I don't put on make up I feel ugly. If I don't straighten my hair, I feel like it's poofy and everyone will think I'm ugly. No matter what shirt I wear I feel fat and ugly, and it feels like I have to take time to get ready or else I'm just not good enough. I guess I'm getting to a place where I feel like just me isn't enough. I like when I get dressed up and people notice me, but I want to believe that me...just naturally how I am, is a beautiful person that people can and do notice. I'm tired of feeling invisible.