The endless cycle of beating yourself up

Right now I am doing my best to stop beating myself up, but it's not really working. I am way too harsh on myself, and I realize this, but I guess it's a hard habit to break. It is Christmas break. Right now, I should be completely care free. I shouldn't have to stress about assignments or schedules, and when my sisters beg to spend time with me I should be able to do so without feeling guilty later. But no, here I am with a huge list of things I need to get done, and doing nothing but stressing that my time is running out. Even on Christmas I wasn't fully able to enjoy myself because I kept thinking that I had more work than I could ever get done. Thanks to my stupidity, I am the only person on Christmas break who still has to think about research and papers. I swore I was going to do better this semester, but again I let my fibromyalgia and depression win. Thanks to my selfish mistake, I haven't just punished myself, I've punished my family. I hardly get to spend time with my sisters anymore, and this was supposed to be the period of time where we could hang out and play Sims 3 for hours and just stop worrying about life. But since I was so tired all the time, and missed classes, and then let my depression spiral out of control and missed even more classes, I became too behind to pass my classes. My only real option was to take an incomplete. My teachers all understood, and told me they thought it was the best thing for me. I mean I suppose if I had really pushed myself, I might have been able to catch up and not need an incomplete, but it would have meant putting myself under so much stress that I don't think I could have coped in my current frame of mind. I know it isn't such a bad thing to take an incomplete, and I know it doesn't mean I failed, but I feel so stupid right now. Instead of a peaceful break I'm making schedules and feeling guilty for any moment I take for myself. I'm wondering how I am ever going to survive next semester with the lingering assingments that will remain from this one. Next semester I will still have to make up three tests, and there is a chance that I might wait and write my final paper for stats next semester as well, since I didn't get a chance to do the SPSS portion yet and I'm kind of at a lost at what to do. In reality, I know that I don't have to do anything during break. I could take this time to be with family, and let my health recover. But I know that if I let all of these assignments carry over into next semester, when I have a whole new crop of papers and worksheets, I might not be able to survive. I guess what I need to learn to do is first forgive myself for falling behind this semester, and then work at my own pace, and not worry so much about deadlines because in reality my deadline isn't the end of Christmas break, it's the end of the next semester. While it may mean a little extra work next semester, I know that I need this break now to get myself into a stable enough place both physically and mentally to survive another semester. I'm really just starting to think I'm not cut out for this college thing. It scares me, it stresses me out, I never have enough energy, and this is the second time I've had to take incompletes in order to survive. And then on top of all of this, the biggest thing on my mind right now is that next semester when I return to NNU, I wont have Marlaina there excited to see me, giving me a big hug, and making me feel like I am important. I'll come back to my empty room, close the door, and could probably stay in there for days without anyone even caring.