Saturday, October 16, 2010
Do You?
Do you think God still loves me, even though sometimes I lay down against the cool tiles of my bedroom, close my eyes, and dream of all the ways I could leave this earth? Do you think God still loves me, despite the fact that sometimes I long for death more than I can bear? Or that I hold a pair of scissors to my wrist desperately fighting the urge to dig it into my flesh, and let the blood flow freely? Do you think God can forgive me, for wanting to return the gift of life He's given me. I wonder if he is ashamed to call me his daughter. If he sees a mistake when he looks at me. I wonder....if I can forgive me. Does the world see me as worthless, or is it just me?
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This may have been a rhetorical question, but I'll answer anyway.
ReplyDeleteHe'll always love you. He wants better, happier things for you but he would never retract his love. Ever. The reason we are here on Earth -- sometimes feeling "left" to suffer -- is to grow and become like him. And unfortunately, we cannot fully appreciate happiness until we've been in the depths of despair. Each of us has different struggles, but we all have them. Life is a gift, but not everything in life is pleasant. "If you're going through Hell, keep on walking." Because even if you have to put every ounce of energy into letting each moment pass without cutting, every moment you don't is another moment you are winning. Another moment that not only you, but God, sees your strength and is oh, so proud of HIS daughter. I don't know what you deal with on a daily basis; I can't even fathom it. But I know that I feel most alive when I wipe my own tears, and go find someone else's tears to wipe. Matthew 25:40. You are doing so much better than you know. You have a power with words, and I believe that even this blog will help more people than you imagine.
http://www.youtube.com/user/mormonmessages?blend=1&ob=4#p/c/4E784EC0770935C0/6/8nczw6xHJ0I