Summer

Well, school's out and grades are in. I think I'm a bit too much of a perfectionist. I got three A's and two B's, and yet I'm disappointed. I'm thrilled I got a B in experimental design and statistical analysis, because honestly I was only expecting a C. That's the hardest class I've ever taken. And I got an A in the lab portion, which is even more amazing. But I'm disappointed in myself for getting a B+ in Social problems, because that wasn't a very hard class, and I honestly have no idea how I got a B. I was expecting an A. I did fairly well on the quizzes, and got full points on the papers. So the only things I don't know my grade on was the group project and the final paper. Since I am a relatively amazing writer (not to sound conceited or anything) I know that I had to of done well on the paper. So that leaves the group project. My group sucked. They didn't get their act together until the day before we presented. While I had my part prepared and memorized weeks in advanced, they threw it together the day before. And while I thought we pulled it off pretty well all things considering, I guess somehow it must have been low enough (since it was a huge portion of our grade) to bring my A to a high B. I guess there is nothing I can do about it, but it upsets me that all my hard work can be messed up by a stupid group projects. And that is why I hate group projects, because I always seem to get stuck with the crappy groups that can't get their act together and put everything off until the last minute.

I just want to say I am incredibly proud of myself, and with good reason. At one point, I wasn't even going to finish this semester, because everything outside of school was so chaotic. Learning to live with bipolar hasn't been easy for me. And most of the year I didn't even know I was bipolar, I just knew the antidepressants weren't working, and I was on a hellish emotional roller coaster. It get's old really fast. That is how one gets to the point where life no longer seems to have a purpose. You just want off the ride.

And yet despite all that, I pulled it off. At one point the workload seemed impossible, but I got it all done. And I didn't just squeek by either, I got grades that I should be proud of. I looked at my degree audit yesterday, and added it up. I've had 19 A's, 5 B's, and 1 C. While I'm not happy about the one C, I do realize that I've worked very hard for every one of those grades, and I have had alot of things against me.

I'm also proud of the growth I've made. I'm slowly coming out of my shell. I'm also starting to learn to believe in myself. It's hard for me to say and actually believe, but you know what, there is no shame in knowing and believing you are good at things. I'm a good writer, there is nothing wrong with admitting that. And I have an okay voice that I plan to work on, and when I do it'll be amazing. And while I may not be the world's best artist, I do like my artwork and so do alot of other people. I even have two requests for paintings (although I'm not sure when I'll get around to that). According to my friend I am a pretty good public speaker, and I articulate myself well. I also can pretty much learn anything I set my mind to. For instance, over christmas break I decided I wanted to learn to cross stitch. So I taught myself how. Then katie got a latch hook kit, and I taught her how to do that without ever having done it before. I also taught myself the basics of needlepoint. Experimental design and statistical analysis is the hardest class I've ever taken, but I still managed to learn the concepts (or at least enough to pass the quizzes). So that being said, even though I have a hard time believing it, the facts do indicate that I am smart.

I'm really nervous about this summer, having my first job and being away from my parents. But at the same time I know this could be a really amazing experience. I just hope that I'm smart enough to come up with crafts for the kids to do. I have a few so far that i like. But I still have time to brainstorm before I go away.

Okay well I'm rambling now, and I'm too distracted by the tv to actually focus. I'll blog later when I'm more focused.