The end of childhood

My younger sister is quickly approaching the years where childhood and innocence end and the complications of being a teenager begin. She is wise beyond her years, having lived through things in life that no twelve year old should. Sometimes the insights she gives me or the witty comments she makes causes me to look at her and think...is this my little sister? When did she grow up? When did she go from the little girl with curly hair who played barbies and teacher, to this wonderful preteen full of knowledge. She has the confidence I've never had. The courage to join choir at church, and sing solos in front of hundreds of people. She has the talent I wish I had. But she is also becoming more like me, which in some ways is scary. She struggles with her self-image as I always have. She gets down sometimes and doesn't understand why. She struggles to understand why our family has to go through so much. She wonders why our family can't be normal. Why our parents have to fight, why my dad has to be the way he is. She used to be his favorite, as my dad made sure we all knew. But as she grows up and begins to have her eyes open and sees what he does, she's starting to get hurt more by his words and telling him to stop. So now he says we've poisoned her against him, that she's turning into me, and he doesn't like it. I keep telling them she's becoming a teenager, she'll be 13 in august. We all went through the hormones, the mood swings, the crying over nothing. He expects her to stay innocent, to stay his little girl who clings to him even as he hurts her. But just as I did, she is growing up. Although honestly I don't really even feel much like a grown up anymore. I want to crawl into my childhood shoes and refuse to grow up. At one point the seven year gap between me and my sister seemed huge, but as she grows up, it doesn't seem so big anymore. She's become someone I truly enjoy hanging out with, someone who's antics rarely fail to make me laugh. It breaks my heart when she comes home, as she has so often lately, talking about conflicts at school. She is having typical girl drama with her friends, two of which have turned on her and are giving her hell. Ironically I never really experienced that in school. Yeah, I was the loser who was teased all the time, but I was also the loner who kept to myself and never really had friends. So I guess you can't really have drama when you have no friends. The first time I experienced the petty drama and heartache she's experiencing now was actually in college. Guess some girls just never grow out of that immaturity. They sure knew how to make my life hell. I hate that she has to face it. I hate that she has to know as much as she does about the world. It nearly breaks my heart when she turns to me and says, "Why can't we just be a loving happy family?". And I can't give her an answer, because I honestly don't know. I realize that every family has its problems, but it seems like our family is beyond repair. At least as long as my dad stays in denial. It's sad really. In Katie's short life, she nearly died, has faced emotional abuse, has watched her family fall apart, and to my shame, has watched her sister deal with major depression, anxiety, suicide attempts and cutting. I hate myself for being one more thing that causes her to lose her innocence. If I could go back...I would. Or at least I think I would. But to be honest maybe I wouldn't be the person I am today, and maybe my entire future would be drastically different, if I hadn't gone through those things. The one thing I think I'd change is ever telling anyone about my problems. Especially one friend in particular. If it weren't for her, and her feeling that she just had to tell people the few times I was really low, I wouldn't have had to deal with half I did this year.