Well I am currently at JJ's house. She's at work, so I guess it is just me and whatever sister is home. I feel really awkward. Her older sister made more of an effort to talk to me, so I feel comfortable around her already. I'm sure the younger sister is nice...but I feel like she either thinks I'm weird or doesn't like me because I don't really talk if I don't know you well. Or you know, if you make an effort to talk to me first.
It's funny. I tried all summer to start waking up at nine or earlier so I wasn't waking up at an absurd hour. But I failed often. It was impossible to wake up at eight, and I would usually press snooze so many times I'd wake up more like ten. But yesterday, I wake up before eight and can't fall back asleep. Today I set my alarm for ten. I figured it's my last day to sleep in. And I feel awkward at JJ's house when she isn't here, so I figured the later I slept in the less time I had to be here alone before I left for camp. Yet I woke up several times before nine and struggled to fall back asleep, before finally waking up just before nine. I guess it's nerves about camp combined with sleeping in a strange place. I know I'll be tired later on because of this, but oh well. I'm going to have to get used to waking up way earlier than this.
Speaking of camp, I head there today. We leave around one and it takes about a half hour to get there. I'm so nervous I feel sick. And...JJ's boyfriend Aaron is the one driving me, and I'm so uncomfortable around him. I don't talk, and I especially don't talk to boys. They just put me on edge. So not only am I dreading camp but I'm dreading the drive there.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Portland
Well it is day two here in portland, and I have no clue why I'm awake. I've been trying for weeks now to get myself to wake up by eight, and have failed miserably. Today I woke up once at five in the morning, struggled to fall back asleep for hours, finally woke up again just before eight and couldn't fall back asleep.
I'm a little creeped out. It feels like I may be in JJ's house alone right now. She is working at a church, but I was for some reason under the impression that I was going to church with the rest of the family. But I don't see anyone anywhere. So being at least somewhat alone in a strange house is a bit weird.
Yesterday we drove around downtown. JJ told me all the places she wants to take me while I'm here. Oh, and we went to this coffee house that I can't remember the name of, I'll have to ask JJ later. But it was interesting. It was more like a dessert house. The house was insanely decorated, weird things hanging from the ceiling, news clippings and fortune cookies that someone had written in bed after each fortune were under the glass of the table. I coolest/scariest part was the bathroom. It was decorated like under the sea, except more like a horror scene. There was a body in a bathtub, feet seemingly coming from the ceiling and if I remember correctly two hands coming out of the wall. I couldn't decide if it was cool or creepy, but I did jump when I noticed the fake guy in the bathtub. JJ insisted I go to the bathroom...now I know why.
Flying was interesting. I don't know that I really care to do it again. During take off I was going please God don't let me die, during flight I was on the verge of an anxiety attack at first, but eventually I calmed down and just looked out the window. I couldn't decide if the view was amazing or if I was terrified. The landing was the worse, because I started getting this horrible pain in my right ear, and I still can't hear properly out of it. JJ insists this will go away though. Her house is on a hill, so that doesn't help.
Oh speaking of her house, it is beautiful. Spacious, and all the tall trees outside the window on every side...breathtaking. We went for a long walk yesterday just so I could look at all the trees. I'll give oregon that, it is very green. But I'd rather live in my very brown Kuna and have less rain to be honest. Although it is beautiful and sunny here. According to JJ yesterday was the first dry warm day they had had. So I guess I got lucky there.
The saddest thing about being here is hearing my mom say how much Katie cried just in the one day I was gone. She cried at the airport too. She doesn't like the thought of me being gone all summer, and she really misses me already. I'm her companion at home, she's practically my best friend.
I'm still terrified about this whole job thing. I arrive at camp tomorrow. Can't decide if the idea excites or sickens me. A little of both I guess.
I'm a little creeped out. It feels like I may be in JJ's house alone right now. She is working at a church, but I was for some reason under the impression that I was going to church with the rest of the family. But I don't see anyone anywhere. So being at least somewhat alone in a strange house is a bit weird.
Yesterday we drove around downtown. JJ told me all the places she wants to take me while I'm here. Oh, and we went to this coffee house that I can't remember the name of, I'll have to ask JJ later. But it was interesting. It was more like a dessert house. The house was insanely decorated, weird things hanging from the ceiling, news clippings and fortune cookies that someone had written in bed after each fortune were under the glass of the table. I coolest/scariest part was the bathroom. It was decorated like under the sea, except more like a horror scene. There was a body in a bathtub, feet seemingly coming from the ceiling and if I remember correctly two hands coming out of the wall. I couldn't decide if it was cool or creepy, but I did jump when I noticed the fake guy in the bathtub. JJ insisted I go to the bathroom...now I know why.
Flying was interesting. I don't know that I really care to do it again. During take off I was going please God don't let me die, during flight I was on the verge of an anxiety attack at first, but eventually I calmed down and just looked out the window. I couldn't decide if the view was amazing or if I was terrified. The landing was the worse, because I started getting this horrible pain in my right ear, and I still can't hear properly out of it. JJ insists this will go away though. Her house is on a hill, so that doesn't help.
Oh speaking of her house, it is beautiful. Spacious, and all the tall trees outside the window on every side...breathtaking. We went for a long walk yesterday just so I could look at all the trees. I'll give oregon that, it is very green. But I'd rather live in my very brown Kuna and have less rain to be honest. Although it is beautiful and sunny here. According to JJ yesterday was the first dry warm day they had had. So I guess I got lucky there.
The saddest thing about being here is hearing my mom say how much Katie cried just in the one day I was gone. She cried at the airport too. She doesn't like the thought of me being gone all summer, and she really misses me already. I'm her companion at home, she's practically my best friend.
I'm still terrified about this whole job thing. I arrive at camp tomorrow. Can't decide if the idea excites or sickens me. A little of both I guess.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Heading out
Tomorrow I board a plane and head to portland. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly nervous. I've never done anything like this before. I wish i could be like some of my friends, seemingly fearless and willing to face the world. Why am I so afraid to face anything in this life? every little things scares me, and it is when this feeling overwhelms me that I begin to think there is no point in living, because I'll never be able to handle life. I hope this summer proves me wrong. I hope I have an amazing time and end up wanting to come back again. I'm just too scared right now to even see the possibility of that coming true.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)