Worries

I am sadly one of those people who panics about every little thing.This year I really need to learn to hand my worries over to God, and trust that everything will work out no matter how scary or hopeless things may seem at the time. That's never been one of my best skills. I tend to constantly fret about the little things, always jumping to the worst possible outcome. Even when I pray and verbally proclaim that I am giving my worries to God...I know that I still cling to them. If I can't learn to better handle my stress I'm never going to be able to handle school or life for that matter. Right now is a very scary time. My mom has had a bunch of blood work done, and because of something they found in that bloodwork, she has been referred to a specialist next week. The thing is..this specialist is a hematologist/oncologist. We don't know why she is being sent there. I hope and pray that it is for hematology...but it could also be for oncology. Oncology is cancer in case you don't know. My mom also heard the doctors talking and they used a word that means cancerous cell. So right now it is hard not to jump to the world possible conclusion. We don't even know if she has cancer yet and already I'm imagining her losing her hair, going through chemo...maybe not living. I guess I'm a little shaken, I've had several friends lose parents in the course of the past couple years. So anytime something like this happens...I begin to think about how lost I'd be without my mom. I want everything to be fine, but I'm scared it isn't. My mom went to the emergency room tonight. She has been having this thing happen for a few weeks now where out of nowhere she gets these horrible pains in her head, and her head feels heavy and she gets real dizzy. Well I guess the pain has gotten alot worse, and now she also has this numb/cold sensation in part of her face. Tonight something was going on with her eye, and she was having a hard time even forming sentences. It was really scary. We were at a restaurant for my dad's birthday dinner when it started happening. My mom was scared and upset, and insisting she needed to go to the emergency room. My dad on the other hand...was getting frustrated. He kept saying how stupid it was for someone to spend all that money to go to the emergency room when they have doctors on their case. He kept saying four more months...that's all I ask for is four months to get my degree so I can have a job and take over the finances. Then you can afford to blow money like this. Not now. He kept making it sound like she was doing something to him...like she is chosing to have these problems or something. I could tell my mom was getting agitated. Then...my dad was like...I'm the only one in this house that can do anything and isn't falling apart...and yet I'm the one you want to kick out. Guess there still talking about the idea of a trial separation, if not full blown divorce. My dad eventually agreed to go to the emergency room...but not without alot more complaining. He just got the call a few minutes ago saying my mom is ready to be picked up. I don't know whether to say fortunately or unfortunately they didn't find anything wrong. On the one hand...I'm glad they didn't scan her brain and find something horrible. But at the same time...I'm frustrated. We want to know what is wrong with her. I guess she is just supposed to keep struggling and suffering not knowing why it is happening. They told her she should be checked out by a neurologist. So they should be home soon. My mom still isn't feeling good, other than that the morphine they gave her helped with the pain some. I'm sure my dad will be in an even worse mood now, knowing that we will now have a huge bill from the emergency room and they found nothing wrong.