Learning to Live

Chains are growing weaker
I'm no longer such a slave
to the anxiety and fear
that has been my master
for far too many years
I'm starting a rebellion
winning the war
against myself
refusing to be controlled forever
by the demons of my past
each day I'm growing stronger
learning to stand on my own two feet
but also realizing it's okay
to embrace the support
so many people offer me
I'm beginning to understand
that even if I stumble
it doesn't mean I've failed
and reaching out
for your outstretched hand
in reality makes me strong
God strategically placed
each of you
along my lifes path
when the road grows bumpy
and darkness sets in
you are the light
upon which I'll focus my sight
I could shun people
hide away from this world
turn from the individuals
who want to help
but who am I
to refuse to open
the gifts
God has left in my life?
In reality
I am learning
not all people are bad
and family is anyone
who loves and supports you
regardless of your flaws
so I am not as alone
as I once thought I was
my family is expanding each day
slowly they're finding
their way into my heart
and this life is no longer an existance
from which I long to depart

Presents

God made me
a gift to the world
why are you so afraid
to open me?
unwrap the paper
tug on the bows
discover the treasures within
do you worry that I
might be defective
or an unwanted trinket
you'll want to return
are you scared that
once you discover
what's really within
you wont like what you find?
Isn't every present
something to be treasured
don't imperfections
give us charm?
Does any gift truly belong
trapped forever
in the desolate land
of the unwanted
the rejected
the unloved
I am begging to be opened
longing to be cherished
hoping that one day
someone will see
past my wrinkled wrapping
and tattered bow
and finally unwrap
the true me

If I die tomorrow

If I die tomorrow
who will remember me
will anything I've ever done
leave a footprint in this world
or will I be a distant memory
no one really remembers
a forgettable name
etched in stone
a grave
overgrown with weeds
nothing of me left
for someone to remember
Have I changed anyone's life
made a mark in this world
did my existance mean anything
and if it didn't
was I ever really living?
can someone truly go through life
without touching a soul
transforming a heart
etching the barriers
of someone's existance
is it really possible
to live
and die
a nobody?

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel
like a puzzle
with peices missing
a frame
left without a picture
a lock
that no key can fit
a door
that leads nowhere
a heart
without hope
a body without soul
an egg
with no yolk

flavor of life

Bent and Broken
tired of constantly choking
on the unsavory flavor of life
unbearably sour
bitter at times
rarely luxurious sweetness
on my tongue
the flavors burn
my throat begins to close
fighting to keep
it all down

He says he should leave

Daddy says he should leave
voices pierce the silence
hearts shatter
I scramble to pick up the pieces
as they fall to the floor
he says he is only staying for the kids
mom grows numb
her heart stops feeling
tears fail to fall
no emotions
no pain
just his voice as he yells
she leaves the room
i try to follow
but this person is not my mom
this beast is not my dad
she is but an empty shell of the person I once loved
and he...he is a monster I barely recognize

What was she supposed to do now?

What was she supposed to do now?
Now that all hope was gone
and nothing but the bitter taste of sorrow
clung to her lips
she had held on to hope for so long
believed that one day God would save her
but now she wasn't so sure
she had knelt by her bed each night
prayed for God's gentle hand
to sweep over her life
brush away her imperfections
mold her into something worthy of life
she was tired of the pain
that relentlessly pierced
through her body each day
tired of the exhaustion
that drowned her every hour
she wanted to believe
that God would heal her one day
but she had given up hope
if she was loved
then why did she suffer
why did her pain only get worse?
it stole her dreams
took away her ability
to glide through life
forced her to grow up
long before her time
maybe if God
had whispered to her soul
showed her
that there was purpose
to the immense burden she carried
then maybe, just maybe
hope wouldn't have died

Ocean

Sunlight trickles through the clouds
creates the soft pinks and purples of sunset
the soft sand beneath me
shimers like diamonds
waves crash against the shore
soft pillows of foam
beckon me to wade into the water
become one with the ocean
and I feel content
seagulls soar above me
their keen eyes,
search for bits of food
careless tourists left behind
its call is pitiful
shatters the serenity
i walk along the shore
leave my imprint
forever
in the cold sand
salt clings to the air
complements the scent
of sun tan oils
and life within the sea
let the scenery wash over me
listen to natures murmur
think about life's problems
search for answers
in the clouds
my soul becomes quiet
I find myself amongst the waves

Courage

A soft shade of orange
steadily grows within us
until its warmth
fills us with hope

The sun that rises each morning
reminds us that life
keeps moving forward
gives us a second chance
to believe in ourselves

A child that isn't afraid
to let a single tear
pierce the silence
forces us to listen
to the soul within

each blade of grass
emerging from the ground
the delicate petals
give beauty to our vulnerability
forces us to believe
that we can make it through

The father batteling cancer
the mother who feels pain
in every fiber of her being
but still keeps a smile
on her face
encourages her children
to keep fighting each day
take a chance
never give up
never turn their back on life

A person who feels
they have every right
to turn their back on God
leave their family in the dust
be bitter towards the world
and put walls around their heart
but still they listen
to the steady beating
of your heart
extends a hand for the world to grasp
whispers notes of love
into the night
never lets her voice fade away
keeps a soft smile on her face
never hopes for anything in return
a steady trickle of courage
that brings a soft glow
of strength to the world

climb

Icicles cling to the trees
the air becomes thin
challenges the mortal
to climb a little higher
tighten your grip on the rope
almost to the top
your breath forms clouds in the air

Footprints

Footprints left in a trail behind me
warmth fills my blood
as it rises from the sand
which stirs in the wind around me
a soft hue of red
rises to my skin
but still i keep running
along the endless sea of sand
I run from the shadows
that fall around me

Shades of Green

Shades of green
painted across a field
clings to the needles
of tall evergreens
snuggles against the delicate
twigs of a bush
runs across fields of grass
just emerging from the soil
after the chill of winter disappears
reflects an image of nature's beauty
across a canvas of water
beneath a backdrop of blue sky

Sobs in the background

Sobs were heard in the background
it penetrated her soul
and struck a note of sorrow
she didn't know where it came from
but the sound was so distinct
it made her want to cry too
first a single tear
made its way down her face
and soon a river of salty tears
flowed from her eyes
and still she knew not where
this sorrow came from
nor did she know when the sobs had stopped
all she knew was that something inside
of their heartfelt tears
had made her own world crumble

My soul is empty

My soul is empty
a resevoir in need of water
I am drained
my heart searches for answers
tries to fill the void
tears fall softly
on my pillow at night
often threaten to break free by day
my mind is weighed down
what will the future bring?
I wonder how much longer
My body will remain whole
My spiritual grounds are broken
Doubt weakens me
God can move mountains,
Why can't he move me?
My will has become tired
body weak and sore
sentenced for life
to a burden I cannot bear
something deep inside
tries to persuade me
to give in
at times its voice
is like a lullaby
lulls me in with ease
other times I fight
choose not to listen
life still hasn't defeated me
my heart will continue searching
till i find
the answers I seek
it may take years to fill the void
patch the wounds life has made
but I am prepared
I will stand up and fight
until my soul
feels complete again

Two Pictures

Tears silently glide
past the smile she has
pasted on her face
beneath the laughter and joy
heart-wrenching sobs
threaten to break free

Sorrow intermingled
with hope
anger soaked into the crevices
of a seemingly picture-perfect life

Two pictures interwoven
on the surface
a honor roll student
loving sister
best friend
dig a little deeper and find
a struggling pupil
tired of her siblings
afraid of her father
mad at her mom
both pictures struggling
to fit within the confines
of a single square frame

Nails become loose
glass shatters
and only one picture
can remain in tact
the only question is
which one will it be

Waiting

She's tired of the memories
that flood her dreams each night
she's tired of the pain that is her life
tears slowly find their way
down her cheeks each day
but still she paints a smile on her face
if you ask her how she is
she will usually say I'm fine
although her heart is broken into pieces on the floor
her life is tearing at the seams
nothing feels right anymore
in her heart she's screaming
for someone to hear her cry
she wants them to look at her
and see right through her lies
she's waiting for the day
someone will come and rescue her
with words that every human heart must hear
she's waiting for someone to love
she's waiting for a miracle to change her heart
but most of all
she's waiting to belong

Torn

Two desires
forced into one body
the seams become worn
threads snap
tears fall
one half is grateful
wants to embrace
the people
who helped her along the way
the other half is scared
angry at the world
unsure of what comes next
timid to face it
reluctant to let go
one half wants a hug
the other wants to hide away
one half wants to give in
the other is strong
fierce
ready to fight
part wants to cry
another is numb
pull one way
tug another
the fabric is torn

Snug Inside Myself

I tried to be myself
but no one liked my style
so i thought for a day I'd be you
slowly I tried
to put myself in your shoe
but the fit was never quite right
I straightened my hair
borrowed your clothes
tried to force myself
into some semblance of you
cool
poised
popular for a day
but my hair wouldn't form
and the clothes were too tight
i couldn't find myself
within you
my parents
my friends
my idols on tv
I tried to be
who I wasn't meant to be
then oneday I thought
maybe me was enough
perhaps I will fit
snug inside myself
the clothes fit just right
my shoes formed to me
and I realized I'm best
when I'm simply me

Flicker

Suddenly
a flicker
pierces through the darkness
small at first
a steady warmth
beckoning me forward
slowly
it grows
the closer I get
the more I feel
hope
for the future
love
in my heart
peace
in my soul

Tomorrow

Long ago
I was told
someday things will be better
one day you'll be happy
tomorrow there'll be sun
and you will again find joy
I shook my head
"It'll never be"
this happiness is lost to me
I reach
but can never quite grasp
tomorrow slips away
it remains always
in the distance
Then I learned
today is all we ever have
so reaching for
tomorrow's happiness
will never really work
all we can do
all I can do
is reach for
the fluttering joys of today

Change

Trickles of tears
turn to laughter
sorrow and fears
turn to smiles
anquish and anger
slowly morph
to a joy
I cannot contain
tensions ease
grins break free
this newfound peace
has taken up residency

Who Am I?

Who am I
Brave
or Frightened
strong
or weak
Good
or evil
Am I worthy of
your love?
Do I deserve
to be happy?
Or am I
meant to spend eternity
in this dreary place of darkness
where hope runs away
and life seems pointless
fears overwhelm
and hearts seem empty
hallow eyes
and shallow words
half felt "I Love You's"
Friends who say
"Always"
but actually
mean "never"
parents who
feign support
but pull it away
when i need it most
schools that say
"Christlike"
but shove away
the needy
shut up the hurting
abandon the desperate
Where am I to go?
to find peace
to find love
up
down
I look to one side
then the other
but everything
is dark
all I see
is fog
no comfort
no peace
no place for me
anywhere

My heart is torn

My heart is torn
my mind mixed
stay or leave
fight or flight
weak or strong
sane or crazy
where is my life's path
show my worth
press forward
be victorious
or shrivel in fear
die slowly
run away
stop trying
hide away
disappear
two forces fighting
both wills within me
struggling to break free

Frayed and Broken

A Poem by Rebecca Schreiber
Just a note..this was written last week when I was really depressed, it's how I get things out, I am in no way suicidal

Frayed
and
Broken
My soul cries out
but your ears
cannot hear my plead
my life's blood flowing
spilling
onto the floor
You step around the pieces
you leave me in my pain
fail to even notice
my heart shatter
my world crash
my soul break
my life splinter

Love

Love
Love
It rains down
friends
family
strangers
but I cannot feel it
the ground is wet
my clothes are soaked
and yet I cannnot absorb it
my body remains dry
my heart empty

Downward

A Poem by Me

Downward
Downward
I am sinking
falling
slipping from the stool of life
my eyes grow heavy
my heart grows weak
my will power
is beaten out of me

Cloak of Guilt

A Poem by Rebecca Schreiber

Guilt covers me
a cloak of regrets
while my faith shatters
friendships falter
and joys fade
this cloak of guilt
stays in tact
doesn't tatter
doesn't tear
it is always
always there

Slipping Away

Slipping Away
peice by peice
slowly I'm torn apart
my heart over here
my strength over there
a constant
tug a war

Rescue

A Poem By Rebecca Schreiber

My eyes are heavy
My body aches
Crumbeling under
the pressures of this world
I walk my last step
I take my last breath
I cannot make it anymore
In need of life support
of a rescuing breath
to lift me from the abyss
and set me on higher grounds
of hope
strength
and the will-power
to survive another day