school money and other such things

Tomorrow is my last day of my first session of summer school. I have a final worth half my grade, which I'm kind of nervous about. But at this point I've lost all motivation to study. I really should go through everything one more time before bed, but my brain just kind of told me it's done trying. I might try to go through everything one more time, but I think maybe it's time to give my brain a rest. I am grateful that after this I have a week off. Even though it wont be much of a week off. I have to study for and take my permit test, try to see if I can get medicaid, unpack finally, and get a head start on reading. Plus work on my cross stitch as much as possible. Then comes the session I am truly frightened of. I have three classes, and so far they all sound very time consuming. In the astronomy class there are three tests in only four weeks, it's going to be crazy. And then at the same time I'll be attempting to write and memorize speeches. I am very nervous. But if I can get through that session it'll be a piece of cake from there. I'm not worried at all about creative writing. It's alot of poems but I am ok with those. Ha ha, think I can get away with submitting old poems? Not like the teacher would ever know. But I'll try not to do that, the goal is to challenge myself to create new work. I feel like I haven't written anything of value since last school year. I don't know, when I was depressed I could write. I wrote beautiful things I am proud of, and wrote many things every day. Now, I can't. I don't have the drive, don't have the passion. The creativity just isn't there. I haven't written anything I am proud of. Maybe I can only write when I'm depressed. Sure seems that way. Guess that'll be one benefit to losing insurance, I'll be off my meds so I'll probably go crazy again, but at least I'd be able to write. My dad didn't get the job, we really needed it to work out. So we're stressed out. We lose our insurance in July, which means I only have one more month of meds. If I qualify for medicaid than they would be covered, but if not then I have to either go without meds or have my meds changed around so I'm on a cheaper combo. And I still owe a couple thousand for next school year. My dad said he can't afford to take out another parent loan, so I don't have a clue how I'm affording my senior year. I don't even want to think about how far in debt I'm going to be when I graduate. It is screwed up that school is so expensive. I see no reason why college should even cost money. You create a society where in order to make something of yourself you need a bachelors degree...and now even that isn't enough in most fields. But you make school so expensive that people have to go into debt for it. And then if you are poor and can't afford school I guess you're just screwed. What are they doing that they deserve to charge hundreds of dollars a credit? There isn't something they do that's worth that much. They teach. Something normal teachers barely get paid for. I don't know, it just doesn't make sense to me. Can you imagine if they'd have public colleges. I mean sure they might not be as good of an education as some fancy school, but college for people that wouldn't cost money except for books, I think that would be a valuable thing. And while I'm on the topic, the health care system is also screwed up. Why should I live in a world where I need meds and I need to see doctors but because health care is so ridiculous I can't afford it. I mean really, without insurance my one med costs over five hundred dollars. That is absurd. Ok..I'm done. Guess I should get back to trying not to fail this class.